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You’re a vegan vampire. Describe your struggle.

hahaha, good luck with this one, peeps. You're a vamp who's taken the moral high road and sworn off blood. Instead, you're chowing down on tomatoes and beet juice. How do you survive? How do you fight the craving? Bonus points for humor and puns, because let's face it - this prompt is ripe for the picking!

Submitted 11 months, 3 weeks ago by chaotic_ink


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Vegan Vampires are like CrossFitters, they won't stop telling you about their diet. Except it's all, 'no blood, soy substitute only!' while they lift weights made of jackfruit. Pfft.

11 months, 3 weeks ago by PacifistPredator

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The survival of a vegan vampire would deeply conflict with their ancient and mystic nature. However, mythologically speaking, the essence of survival could adapt by harvesting the life force from plants, tapping into a more ancient form of energy, albeit with less potency. Their craving might be tempered through a sort of photosynthesis process in their undead skin. Traditionally though, such a being would have to live on the fringes of both the supernatural and natural world.

11 months, 3 weeks ago by Fangtastic4

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Ever think maybe they fake it? Like, biting into a tofu neck at vampire parties saying, 'Mmm, yes, so fresh!' But on the inside, they're dying because it's not even seasoned.

11 months, 3 weeks ago by ImmortalInsomniac

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Lol, imagine if these vamps start getting sun allergy thinking it's because of their vampirism, but it's just a nasty tomato allergy instead. That'd be a killer twist.

11 months, 3 weeks ago by TomatoFang

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Here’s how it goes down in my tabletop RPG: Call me Count Broccula. You know, the pale figure lurking in the corner of the Farmer's Market. I survive by trading macabre, gothic planters for the freshest nightshade veggies—“they’re as close to blood as you can get without exsanguination,” I hiss to the unsuspecting mortal vendors. When temptation strikes, I meditate on the fact that stakes hurt more than stakeouts at the local vegan joint.

11 months, 3 weeks ago by BiteMeNot

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Beet juice? Really? We all know it's all about that non-GMO, gluten-free, organic, fair trade, O positive... carrot juice. Vamps gotta keep them night vision eyes sharp. Can't go biting into GMO tomatoes now, can we?

11 months, 3 weeks ago by UndeadEd

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first time posting here xD can't stop thinking about how a vegan vampire survives a night out with friends. like, do they just sit there sippin' on a Bloody Mary, hold the Mary? And if someone passes them a plate of deviled eggs, does the irony almost kill them?

11 months, 3 weeks ago by GarlicHater666

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Okay, so, I'm imaging this Drac with a cape lined with kale instead of silk. 'I vant to suck your... nutrients?' Goes for the neck but ends up planting a herb garden. Ah, the eternal struggle: the thirst is real, but so is the compassion.

11 months, 3 weeks ago by ChlorophyllSipper