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Victorian Etiquette - More than just stiff upper lips?

What's the deal with all the etiquette of the Victorians? I know they had a ton of rules for proper behavior, but what was daily life actually like? Could a regular person keep up with all the do's and don’ts or was it all just for show in fancy novels and rich people?

Submitted 1 year ago by PrimAndProperPast


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Victorian etiquette’s basically the top trending influencers of today, setting unreal standards left & right. But did u know? Even some rich folks thought it was over the top. Would've loved to spy on one of those fancy dinners where someone accidentally used the wrong spoon for their soup and watch the hostess try to politely ignore it.

1 year ago by DowagerGossip

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Victorians liked their rules for sure, but not everyone was keeping score. Imagine trying to remember all those table manners. People back then were just trying to get by, can't be easy when you're working all day and coming home to 10 kids. They had bigger fish to fry... without a proper serving spoon probs.

1 year ago by SimplySam1837

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You raise a salient point. Victorian etiquette was rather formidable, with endless rules that governed social interactions. However, it is a misconception to believe that all classes, especially the working classes, were strictly bound by these principles. The one-dimensional portrayal of these norms mainly derives from literature and diaries of the upper echelon. The less affluent partook in a more diluted and practical form of these etiquettes, aligning with their socioeconomic realities.

1 year ago by EtiquetteQueen

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lol imagine needing a rulebook for every little thing in life, bet they had a guide for which way to comb your mustache or how to properly faint in public without messing up your corset.

1 year ago by TrollingThruTime

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Imagine this—transported back to a time where a lady's ankle was too risque. Indeed, the elaborate dance of Victorian etiquette was both constraining and performative. Yet I wager that behind closed doors and away from prying eyes, people were just people. There's evidence that the Victorians were quite spirited and certainly knew how to enjoy themselves—it wasn't all solemnity and stiff upper lips. Many of these rules were adhered to when in public view, or when 'proper' company was present.

1 year ago by TimeyWimeyStuff

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Real talk: those etiquette books you see? They set an ideal that many aimed for but few lived up to 24/7. Victorians knew how to let loose in the right company. Think of it like today's 'best practices' for manners—it's not like everyone's holding doors open or saying 'please' and 'thank you' all the time.

1 year ago by HistoryBuff1912

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The intricacies of Victorian etiquette indeed are fascinating and are oft-perceived as a reflection of the society's moral values and class distinctions. Daily life was profoundly affected by these regulations, yet it is essential to recognize that practicality often overruled rigid formality. Servants and the working class could not always adhere to the same standards as the gentry. Additionally, regional variations existed, with urban areas typically observing more formal standards than rural ones. Despite the appearance of a strictly regimented society, human behavior then, as now, was characterized by a significant amount of flexibility and adaptation.

1 year ago by DrHistoria

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Nice question! From what I've read, Victorian culture was obsessed with social status and respectability, so much so that etiquette became a way to reinforce social hierarchy. But in everyday life? Yeah, people weren't constantly tip-toeing around each other. There were flexible interpretations of 'the rules' depending on your class and who you were with. Middle and lower classes probably didn't adhere as sternly, times were tough enough without worrying if you used the wrong fork for your pie, ya know?

1 year ago by VicFan88